Funny Video! – Man/Woman

Here’s a quick joke we made for Fantastic Fest.  

The rules were:  15-45 seconds, involve the theme ‘trans-human’, and have the last line of dialogue be ‘That’s Fantastic!’.  I think it came out pretty great, but let me know what you think!

How to Stuff a Lady’s Turkey

A special holiday message that’ll make you laugh!

Starring Lindsay Kent, Regina Chen, Rachel Myhill, and Constance Rosado.
Camera Operators: Justine Spinoza, John Valley, the Kline Bros.
Special thanks to Nancy Oakley the Thai Princess (www.thaiprincessjewelries.com), Lindsay on 5th Ave, Clara on Alamo St and Friend, Nice Lady at Trail of Lights, Other Nice Lady at Trail of Lights and Boyfriend, Fun Menorah Truck Drivers.

My First Sketch Comedy Video, Check It Out!

I’m very pleased to present the first of many sketch comedy videos starring yours truly with the lovely actresses Carly Christopher and Danielle Evon Ploeger!  Let me know what you think:

Special thanks to Andy Olson, John Valley, and Rack Daddy’s Billiards Bar for all the help!

 

Vote for Best Holiday Pick Up Lines

Image courtesy: anankkml / freedigitalphotos.net

Best Halloween Pick Up Lines – Cast Your Vote!

I’d like to try out some Halloween pick up lines in downtown Austin on 6th St.  Cast your vote for the best lines, ‘best’ meaning the most slap-worthy.  Comment with one of your own!

photo credit:

<a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/nathaninsandiego/6292406573/”>San Diego Shooter</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

I Met This Total Hottie at the Game…

I smiled at her and asked her what she thought about football…

HER:  I can’t get enough of it, all those ripped guys pounding into each other play after play.  There’s nothing more magnificent than a football player’s body.  All the power and immediacy that emanates from every movement, how fluid their bodies move, and the speed that they can push themselves to makes me so envious.  And excited!

ME:  What are you doing Saturday?

HER:  Getting a sex change.

ME:  What about Friday?

#3 Reason Why They Didn’t Write Back

You Said it Wrong You Idiot!

You’ve gotta say things the right way!  Do it like I do!  Here, this is a recent OkCupid correspondence I initiated with SexyGirl88.  I then show the same correspondence with the subtext explained…

ME:  Hey

SEXYGIRL88: hey

ME:  Whats up?

SEXYGIRL88:  Nothing

ME:  Oh ya?  Too bad.

SEXYGIRL88:  yeah

ME:  #

SEXYGIRL88:  XXX-XXX-XXXX

Now with subtext translations…

ME:  Hey

[Subtext Translation: Hello, my name is Jim, I’m a cool, successful guy also living in Austin, it’s a pleasure to correspond with you because I can see that you’re a really special woman that any guy would be lucky to be with.]

SEXYGIRL88: hey

[Subtext Translation:  Hi!  My name is Nancy; you’re making me blush!  It looks like we have many of the same interests and it looks like you’d be a catch for any woman!]

ME:  Whats up?

[Subtext Translation:  I saw that one of your mantras was Jim Rohn’s quote: “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.”  I respect your social interests and I also enjoy living in the present moment! What has your week been like so far? – You see!  You gotta make that shit personal or else they’ll know you didn’t read their profile!]

SEXYGIRL88:  Nothing

[Subtext Translation:  Yes, being present has been the greatest lesson of my life.  I’ve been busy with nursing…  — Did you notice how she left off the period?  It’s not ‘Nothing period’; it’s an open ended nothing.  She’s saying – I’m busy tonight at the hospital, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be interested in doing something later on in the week  🙂 ]

ME:  Oh ya?  Too bad.

[Subtext Translation: That sucks that you’re so busy, but then again, your work as a nurse must be very rewarding and fulfilling.  Maybe I’ll just have to get myself sick 😉 ]

SEXYGIRL88:  yeah

[Subtext translation:  Ooohh, I like you sense of humor!  My work is very fulfilling, thank you for validating my life choices!  Don’t bother getting sick cause I make house calls also 😉 ]

ME:  #

[Subtext translation:  I don’t mind waiting until you’re free because you’re so great!  But in the meantime, why don’t we exchange phone numbers so we can communicate easily when an opportune moment does arise.]

SEXYGIRL88:  XXX-XXX-XXXX

See how simple it is!

#2 Reason Why They Didn’t Write Back

You Sent Your Message at the Wrong Time 

Ladies, send your first messages on Thursdays between 4pm and 8pm.  Guys don’t plan.  Guys don’t know day tomorrow is.  Guys don’t even buy green bananas.  Guys work, sleep, and play GTA5 until Thursday when they remember they have a dick, and they’d like to get it wet this weekend.   Or at the very least know that there’s the slightest possibility it could get wet, that’s enough for a guy. If you message him on a Thursday or Friday before 3pm, you just became the most exciting thing in town.  If you message after 3pm on a Friday, he could interpret it as a booty call.

Guys, send your messages on Mondays and Tuesdays.  Women like to have their weekends planned by Tuesday or Wednesday so that by the time Thursday rolls around they aren’t worried that their social life is over and nobody loves them.  Ladies work hard early on in the week and giving them some sweet attention on a Monday will help them get through their week.  A few messages later and you could have a nice first date by Saturday.

#1 Reason Why They Didn’t Write Back

According to a recent published study, the #1 Reason a guy wouldn’t message you back is because…

They’re a EUNUCH CROTCH SWAB.  Move on!  And the #1 Reason a girl wouldn’t message you back is because…  They’re a POCKET PUSSY ASHTRAY.  Forget ’em!

 

First Impressions Tip #7

If thing didn’t go well over dinner ask your date, ‘What’s 30% of this?’  They’ll immediately think you’re a generous tipper when you can actually just write in ‘Cash’ and leave nothing.  Easy!