#3 Reason Why They Didn’t Write Back

You Said it Wrong You Idiot!

You’ve gotta say things the right way!  Do it like I do!  Here, this is a recent OkCupid correspondence I initiated with SexyGirl88.  I then show the same correspondence with the subtext explained…

ME:  Hey

SEXYGIRL88: hey

ME:  Whats up?

SEXYGIRL88:  Nothing

ME:  Oh ya?  Too bad.

SEXYGIRL88:  yeah

ME:  #

SEXYGIRL88:  XXX-XXX-XXXX

Now with subtext translations…

ME:  Hey

[Subtext Translation: Hello, my name is Jim, I’m a cool, successful guy also living in Austin, it’s a pleasure to correspond with you because I can see that you’re a really special woman that any guy would be lucky to be with.]

SEXYGIRL88: hey

[Subtext Translation:  Hi!  My name is Nancy; you’re making me blush!  It looks like we have many of the same interests and it looks like you’d be a catch for any woman!]

ME:  Whats up?

[Subtext Translation:  I saw that one of your mantras was Jim Rohn’s quote: “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.”  I respect your social interests and I also enjoy living in the present moment! What has your week been like so far? – You see!  You gotta make that shit personal or else they’ll know you didn’t read their profile!]

SEXYGIRL88:  Nothing

[Subtext Translation:  Yes, being present has been the greatest lesson of my life.  I’ve been busy with nursing…  — Did you notice how she left off the period?  It’s not ‘Nothing period’; it’s an open ended nothing.  She’s saying – I’m busy tonight at the hospital, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be interested in doing something later on in the week  🙂 ]

ME:  Oh ya?  Too bad.

[Subtext Translation: That sucks that you’re so busy, but then again, your work as a nurse must be very rewarding and fulfilling.  Maybe I’ll just have to get myself sick 😉 ]

SEXYGIRL88:  yeah

[Subtext translation:  Ooohh, I like you sense of humor!  My work is very fulfilling, thank you for validating my life choices!  Don’t bother getting sick cause I make house calls also 😉 ]

ME:  #

[Subtext translation:  I don’t mind waiting until you’re free because you’re so great!  But in the meantime, why don’t we exchange phone numbers so we can communicate easily when an opportune moment does arise.]

SEXYGIRL88:  XXX-XXX-XXXX

See how simple it is!

#2 Reason Why They Didn’t Write Back

You Sent Your Message at the Wrong Time 

Ladies, send your first messages on Thursdays between 4pm and 8pm.  Guys don’t plan.  Guys don’t know day tomorrow is.  Guys don’t even buy green bananas.  Guys work, sleep, and play GTA5 until Thursday when they remember they have a dick, and they’d like to get it wet this weekend.   Or at the very least know that there’s the slightest possibility it could get wet, that’s enough for a guy. If you message him on a Thursday or Friday before 3pm, you just became the most exciting thing in town.  If you message after 3pm on a Friday, he could interpret it as a booty call.

Guys, send your messages on Mondays and Tuesdays.  Women like to have their weekends planned by Tuesday or Wednesday so that by the time Thursday rolls around they aren’t worried that their social life is over and nobody loves them.  Ladies work hard early on in the week and giving them some sweet attention on a Monday will help them get through their week.  A few messages later and you could have a nice first date by Saturday.

First Impressions Tip #7

If thing didn’t go well over dinner ask your date, ‘What’s 30% of this?’  They’ll immediately think you’re a generous tipper when you can actually just write in ‘Cash’ and leave nothing.  Easy!

First Impressions Tip #4

Clothes Matter!  As much we like to say that we don’t judge our date for what they’re wearing, we can’t help our subconscious.  I always like to bring a couple extra outfits, in case I don’t like what she’s wearing.  She can always change in the restroom and come back.

First Impressions Tip #3

Pay attention to your non-verbal body language, the wrong gesture could throw them off completely.  So suck in your gut, puff out your chest, and raise your chin.  And then don’t move an inch til the check arrives.

First Impressions Tip #2

Get centered and focus on what you’re there for.  Before a first date, I like to give myself a few minutes to recite a mantra.  Here are useful ones:

-Smile and nod.

-Hit it and quit it.

-Her walk of shame ain’t lame.

-A bird that’s a hag is still worth a push in the bush.

-Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.

First Impressions Tip #1

The best way to make a good impression on the first date is to be yourself.   But be the self that’s charming, caring, a good listener, attractive, funny, witty, spontaneous, assertive, and easy-going.  Your normal self probably won’t do.