Category Archives: Dating Tips

Best Halloween Pick Up Lines – Cast Your Vote!

Halloween Hottie

I’d like to try out some Halloween pick up lines in downtown Austin on 6th St.  Cast your vote for the best lines, ‘best’ meaning the most slap-worthy.  Comment with one of your own!

photo credit:

<a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/nathaninsandiego/6292406573/”>San Diego Shooter</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

6 Comments

Filed under Dating Jokes & Comedy, Dating Tips

#3 Reason Why They Didn’t Write Back

Why they didn't message you back Header

You Said it Wrong You Idiot!

You’ve gotta say things the right way!  Do it like I do!  Here, this is a recent OkCupid correspondence I initiated with SexyGirl88.  I then show the same correspondence with the subtext explained…

ME:  Hey

SEXYGIRL88: hey

ME:  Whats up?

SEXYGIRL88:  Nothing

ME:  Oh ya?  Too bad.

SEXYGIRL88:  yeah

ME:  #

SEXYGIRL88:  XXX-XXX-XXXX

Now with subtext translations…

ME:  Hey

[Subtext Translation: Hello, my name is Jim, I’m a cool, successful guy also living in Austin, it’s a pleasure to correspond with you because I can see that you’re a really special woman that any guy would be lucky to be with.]

SEXYGIRL88: hey

[Subtext Translation:  Hi!  My name is Nancy; you’re making me blush!  It looks like we have many of the same interests and it looks like you’d be a catch for any woman!]

ME:  Whats up?

[Subtext Translation:  I saw that one of your mantras was Jim Rohn’s quote: “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.”  I respect your social interests and I also enjoy living in the present moment! What has your week been like so far? – You see!  You gotta make that shit personal or else they’ll know you didn’t read their profile!]

SEXYGIRL88:  Nothing

[Subtext Translation:  Yes, being present has been the greatest lesson of my life.  I’ve been busy with nursing…  — Did you notice how she left off the period?  It’s not ‘Nothing period’; it’s an open ended nothing.  She’s saying – I’m busy tonight at the hospital, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be interested in doing something later on in the week  🙂 ]

ME:  Oh ya?  Too bad.

[Subtext Translation: That sucks that you’re so busy, but then again, your work as a nurse must be very rewarding and fulfilling.  Maybe I’ll just have to get myself sick 😉 ]

SEXYGIRL88:  yeah

[Subtext translation:  Ooohh, I like you sense of humor!  My work is very fulfilling, thank you for validating my life choices!  Don’t bother getting sick cause I make house calls also 😉 ]

ME:  #

[Subtext translation:  I don’t mind waiting until you’re free because you’re so great!  But in the meantime, why don’t we exchange phone numbers so we can communicate easily when an opportune moment does arise.]

SEXYGIRL88:  XXX-XXX-XXXX

See how simple it is!

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating Jokes & Comedy, Dating Tips

#2 Reason Why They Didn’t Write Back

Why they didn't message you back Header

You Sent Your Message at the Wrong Time 

Ladies, send your first messages on Thursdays between 4pm and 8pm.  Guys don’t plan.  Guys don’t know day tomorrow is.  Guys don’t even buy green bananas.  Guys work, sleep, and play GTA5 until Thursday when they remember they have a dick, and they’d like to get it wet this weekend.   Or at the very least know that there’s the slightest possibility it could get wet, that’s enough for a guy. If you message him on a Thursday or Friday before 3pm, you just became the most exciting thing in town.  If you message after 3pm on a Friday, he could interpret it as a booty call.

Guys, send your messages on Mondays and Tuesdays.  Women like to have their weekends planned by Tuesday or Wednesday so that by the time Thursday rolls around they aren’t worried that their social life is over and nobody loves them.  Ladies work hard early on in the week and giving them some sweet attention on a Monday will help them get through their week.  A few messages later and you could have a nice first date by Saturday.

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating Tips

#1 Reason Why They Didn’t Write Back

Why they didn't message you back Header

According to a recent published study, the #1 Reason a guy wouldn’t message you back is because…

They’re a EUNUCH CROTCH SWAB.  Move on!  And the #1 Reason a girl wouldn’t message you back is because…  They’re a POCKET PUSSY ASHTRAY.  Forget ’em!

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating Jokes & Comedy, Dating Tips

First Impressions Tip #7

First Impressions Tip

If thing didn’t go well over dinner ask your date, ‘What’s 30% of this?’  They’ll immediately think you’re a generous tipper when you can actually just write in ‘Cash’ and leave nothing.  Easy!

2 Comments

Filed under Dating Jokes & Comedy, Dating Tips

First Impressions Tip #6

If you make a bad first impression you can always rectify it by pointing out the other person’s flaws.  This will put them on the defensive and make them work harder to win your affection.

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating Jokes & Comedy, Dating Tips

First Impressions Tip #5

It’s never about you!  Focus on the other person, and try to see the world through their eyes…  Are they examining your pores?  Did they notice those stray hairs?  Are they checking their phone because they’re bored of you?  Is there someone more attractive behind you?  These are things you need to focus on.

8 Comments

Filed under Dating Jokes & Comedy, Dating Tips