Starring Lindsay Kent, Regina Chen, Rachel Myhill, and Constance Rosado.
Camera Operators: Justine Spinoza, John Valley, the Kline Bros.
Special thanks to Nancy Oakley the Thai Princess (www.thaiprincessjewelries.com), Lindsay on 5th Ave, Clara on Alamo St and Friend, Nice Lady at Trail of Lights, Other Nice Lady at Trail of Lights and Boyfriend, Fun Menorah Truck Drivers.
I smiled at her and asked her what she thought about football…
HER: I can’t get enough of it, all those ripped guys pounding into each other play after play. There’s nothing more magnificent than a football player’s body. All the power and immediacy that emanates from every movement, how fluid their bodies move, and the speed that they can push themselves to makes me so envious. And excited!
You’ve gotta say things the right way! Do it like I do! Here, this is a recent OkCupid correspondence I initiated with SexyGirl88. I then show the same correspondence with the subtext explained…
ME: Whats up?
ME: Oh ya? Too bad.
Now with subtext translations…
[Subtext Translation: Hello, my name is Jim, I’m a cool, successful guy also living in Austin, it’s a pleasure to correspond with you because I can see that you’re a really special woman that any guy would be lucky to be with.]
[Subtext Translation: Hi! My name is Nancy; you’re making me blush! It looks like we have many of the same interests and it looks like you’d be a catch for any woman!]
ME: Whats up?
[Subtext Translation: I saw that one of your mantras was Jim Rohn’s quote: “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” I respect your social interests and I also enjoy living in the present moment! What has your week been like so far? – You see! You gotta make that shit personal or else they’ll know you didn’t read their profile!]
[Subtext Translation: Yes, being present has been the greatest lesson of my life. I’ve been busy with nursing… — Did you notice how she left off the period? It’s not ‘Nothing period’; it’s an open ended nothing. She’s saying – I’m busy tonight at the hospital, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be interested in doing something later on in the week 🙂 ]
ME: Oh ya? Too bad.
[Subtext Translation: That sucks that you’re so busy, but then again, your work as a nurse must be very rewarding and fulfilling. Maybe I’ll just have to get myself sick 😉 ]
[Subtext translation: Ooohh, I like you sense of humor! My work is very fulfilling, thank you for validating my life choices! Don’t bother getting sick cause I make house calls also 😉 ]
[Subtext translation: I don’t mind waiting until you’re free because you’re so great! But in the meantime, why don’t we exchange phone numbers so we can communicate easily when an opportune moment does arise.]
Ladies, send your first messages on Thursdays between 4pm and 8pm. Guys don’t plan. Guys don’t know day tomorrow is. Guys don’t even buy green bananas. Guys work, sleep, and play GTA5 until Thursday when they remember they have a dick, and they’d like to get it wet this weekend. Or at the very least know that there’s the slightest possibility it could get wet, that’s enough for a guy. If you message him on a Thursday or Friday before 3pm, you just became the most exciting thing in town. If you message after 3pm on a Friday, he could interpret it as a booty call.
Guys, send your messages on Mondays and Tuesdays. Women like to have their weekends planned by Tuesday or Wednesday so that by the time Thursday rolls around they aren’t worried that their social life is over and nobody loves them. Ladies work hard early on in the week and giving them some sweet attention on a Monday will help them get through their week. A few messages later and you could have a nice first date by Saturday.