I wouldn’t say that I’ve been feeling lonely, but my recent break up has caused me to have extended periods of personal time heavily consumed by thoughts of guilt and isolation. Anyway, my ex Stephanie is very attractive, and whilst we were together it caused some insecurity on my part because people were always gawking at her jugs instead of bowing to my beard. Not even gay guys would check me out… So I was always grumpy around her while we were dating, BUT whenever she broke up with me, suddenly all my angst was released and I could make jokes to her like: “You know, you really shouldn’t’ve shaved down there so much…” She’d be in stitches and I was my old, cool, Crassanova self, a regular Lex-Lothario-Luther.
So while we were talking last night, I had her rolling pretty great and I popped the question ‘Let’s grab some dinner next week’. Then she said:
Jim, we can’t, I cheated on you remember.
Which is true, she was having sex with another guy who she left me for the last time we broke up, so I said:
Stephanie, I’d rather be miserable with a cheating hoe like you than be miserable and lonely without you.
And now we’re getting coffee next week 🙂